*freeze frame* *record scratch*

You're probably wondering how I got here. And by "here", I mean less than 48 hours from embarking on a multi-day journey across an ocean to settle on a tiny island where I will be charged with helping Spanish-speaking youth learn English.

Yeah, me too!

In mid-July 2017, I was living on Bowdoin's campus, soaking up my first Maine summer and working in the Office of Events & Summer Programs. I had no plans for the future, but at this point on the twenty-something timeline, that's okay! My roommate Nate (who bravely suggested this blog be named "Scooby Doo on Zombie Island") and I had started to have joint late-night panic sessions about our impending senior year and the idea that we soon had to make CAREER DECISIONS when neither one of us felt certain about a path. I had met with Career Planning a couple of times but couldn't seem to motivate myself to research consulting firms; Nate had been devoting his entire summer to an honors project that ended up being an incredible year-long labor of love (and hate?). We had heard through the grapevine multiple times that some of the other seniors on campus had arranged meetings with the Office of Student Fellowships & Research to begin applications for big name post-grad national fellowships: Marshall, Mitchell, Rhodes, Watson, Fulbright. On the morning of July 10th, I scrolled back through my inbox and found e-mails from the office sent in May encouraging us to make appointments before the end of the academic year to get the ball rolling. Oops. I booked the next appointment slot that worked for me--August 1st--and hoped no one would notice.

(I was easily distracted...)

Cindy Stocks noticed! That night, I had an email from the director of the office gently noting that August 1st was "a bit late" to get started, but that I could make up for lost time by reading through fellowship information and thinking about what I might be interested in doing. I don't remember all that much about how our first meeting went, but I know I came out of it feeling genuinely excited and like I just might have some direction. Cindy had taken my directionless rambling and distilled it into a plan, and before I knew it, I was applying for a Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship to northern Spain. It was the first time I could remember feeling like all of the pieces of my personality, passions, and aspirations fit together toward a common goal. There was no stretching the truth or highlighting one part of myself over another. Though it sounds incredibly cliché, this was something I felt like I was destined to do.

Those who have been close to a Fulbright applicant or who have applied themselves know that it is a LONG process. The typical timeline (at least for Bowdoin students) goes something like this:

• End of junior year (April/May): Identify award type/country/angle & begin application
• Summer before senior year: Draft essays
• Early September: Submit initial application to advising office
• Mid- to late-September: Interview with campus committee
• Early October: Submit final application to advising office and resubmit to Fulbright after last-minute edits 
• Late January: Receive notification about semi-finalist status; successful applications forwarded on to individual countries
• Mid-March to April: Receive notification about finalist status

Looking back, maybe my late start set the tone for my experience, because my timeline broke the mold in January. I had been on the edge of my seat for several weeks, to the point where every notification on my phone made me jump. On Thursday, January 25th, Cindy sent all applicants an email to let us know semi-finalist decisions were on the way (a week later than normal), and would arrive before the end of the day on Friday. I decided I would go to the gym that afternoon to burn off nervous energy before 5 pm. This ended up being a poor idea--I almost fell off the treadmill at 7:20 mile pace when an email from Career Planning came in at 4:58 pm. 5 pm passed, as did 6 pm. Many of my friends had already received their notifications. I was a wreck, wandering around the quad in sub-freezing temperatures until my sweat froze, awaiting disaster. I returned to my dorm and drove my roommates crazy before exiling myself to my bedroom. I was just about to throw in the towel and go to dinner when the email came in.

After that, it was a good Friday night.

With the initial notification out of the way, I could relax for a bit. In fact, I almost forgot about Fulbright until mid-March, when the first of ~160 countries sent out finalist notifications. In the past several years, Spain had been in the front of the pack, notifying around March 15th. That day came and went with no news. In the interim, I had joined an online chat/support group full of speculation and stress, which served only to ramp up my anxiety each time I checked it. My worst fear was that I would log on and see Spain applicants celebrating long-awaited emails, only to switch tabs find a rejection lurking in my inbox.

By the time April rolled around, I was feeling fairly jaded. I realized that checking the applicants chat for news was largely a waste of time--one that I couldn't afford in the midst of senior spring. For the time being, I just decided to let it go and focus on school. This was increasingly difficult, though, because deadlines for summer internships and permanent jobs were looming, and I didn't want to expend a large amount of energy focusing on those when I still had a bid in another pool.

Despite my ironclad will, on the evening of Friday, April 9th, my worst nightmare (partially) came true. I was taking a brief break from reading about C3 and C4 photosynthesis (thanks, Phil!) and decided to quickly glance at the chat. The first thing I saw (before going blind from panic for a few moments) was a string of Spanish flag emojis and exclamation points. Multiple people were reporting finalist status for Spain. Others were posting about rejections. Shaking, I checked my email. Nothing. I checked my other email. Nothing. I checked both spam filters. N o t h i n g. I looked at the time stamps on their messages: the last one was posted around 7 pm. My clock read 11 pm. I fired off a hysterical email to Cindy and Kate, my other beloved advising guru, and then had to be forcibly calmed down by Nate. By the next morning, we had deduced that there were one or two remaining regions still making decisions, and rather than hold up the entire Spanish Fulbright program, they would announce later. Cindy said that based on previous years, it could easily be another 2-3 weeks. Way back in October, I had submitted my application with a preference noted for a rural school in either La Rioja or Asturias. The one common thread I could find among the handful of Spain applicants still waiting for notification was that we had all applied to these areas. But much to my dismay, these two regions had already notified their finalists. Technically, though, it appeared I was still in the running.

This meme reached peak popularity just when I needed it most <3

April came to a close with no news. I had long since given up the ghost and began applying to jobs in the US. I had several interviews lined up, and was beginning to envision my post-grad future in another way. I realized that mentally, I was dealing with Fulbright much like I would deal with a boy who had trouble committing: if it's meant to be, it'll be, but in the meantime, I'll pursue plan B.

I entered my last week of undergraduate classes with no decision to speak of. Only 1% of Fulbright semi-finalists were still waiting for news, and I was one of them. Early in the week, I received a strange email from the Spanish Fulbright Commission celebrating the fact that the country's program had been distinguished by King Felipe VI with the highest award of civil merit in Spain. I figured it was a glitch of some sort, or maybe even highly personalized spam, but the last line said "As a former grantee of this Commission, you have been part of this journey and therefore share this accomplishment." I shrugged, forwarded it to Cindy and Kate, and went on my way. Later that morning, Cindy sent me an email saying she thought it just might be good news. I ran upstairs from the dining hall to her office, where Kate joined us and we all cried. Well, I know I cried. Enough for all three of us. But after wiping my eyes, I resolved to treat it as if nothing had happened. After all, I still had no official decision in my inbox. And if life had taught me anything in the past year, it was to be patient.

For the next couple of days, I held my tongue and my breath. I am a chronic oversharer (which should already be obvious to you), so this was incredibly hard. On my final day of classes, May 9th, I suited up to go to the Giant Stairs (a natural stair-step basalt formation on Bailey's Island, ~20 minutes from Bowdoin) with my beloved Oceanography students for my last lab section as their TA. It was a blustery day, warm and sunny on campus but cool and gray on the coast. We climbed around on sedimentary rocks, admired tiny garnets and huge quartz intrusions, and watched the waves crash against the jagged coastline that had once been connected to Africa before Pangaea rifted apart.

Toward the end of the lab period, I was standing on the basalt pictured above, right next to Collin Roesler, professor of Oceanography, who had changed my life through her teaching and advising. I pulled out my phone to take a picture of the waves and foam, and right there on the screen was the email notification I had been waiting for since October 2017. I gasped, turned to Collin (who immediately knew what had happened and threw her arms around me) and burst into tears as our class cheered. In that utterly perfect moment, all of the stress and frustration evaporated. For this, it was all worth it.

Happy people...

...and my happy place.

After receiving my notification, I was deliriously happy. So much so that I almost forgot I had no idea where I had been placed! At the end of the next week, I received an email from the Commission that made my head spin: Instead of being placed in La Rioja or Asturias, I would be a part of Fulbright Spain's first year in the Canary Islands. At first, I panicked a little--I hadn't even remotely prepared myself for this possibility. But then, after some quick googling, everything began to make sense. These were volcanic islands where the people spoke Spanish... And I just so happened to be an Earth & Oceanographic Science/Hispanic Studies double major! I've researched and found thousands of other reasons to be excited, but I'm so close to arrival now that I might as well ground truth them before sharing. 

Image taken from PMF IAS

And thus the Canary Current was born! Thank you to my dad, namer of all things important, for the brilliant idea. One part eastern boundary current in the North Atlantic gyre, one part life update blog for friends and family who would like to follow the next 9 months of my life. If the lead up was any indication, it should be anything but usual.